[WARNING: This feature contains major spoilers for Spectre, if you haven’t seen it look away now]
As our stomachs grumble from the considerable strain of digesting the gargantuan latest installment in the Bond franchise, let’s in-Spectre some of the more questionable moments…
1. The torture chair
Not only is the science highly debatable behind this apparatus of death (drilling into your neck can wipe your memory of faces?) but our super villain seems particularly bad at using it, Bond escaping with only mild discomfort and all his faculties seemingly in order. It’s nothing when compared to Le Chifre’s chair and rope technique…no, don’t even think about it…
2. Mr. Hinx’s (Dave Bautista) metal thumbs
Introduced as a razor-sharp and murderous USP and secret weapon, a la Jaws and Odd Job, but then never used or mentioned again after his introductory scene, rendering them entirely pointless…
3. Why it doesn’t end when the evil baddie’s lair blows up
It should. Despite Bond saying, ‘this isn’t over yet’, maybe it should have been. Had they focused on this as the big finale, rather than stretching it out to a second somewhat weaker one, then the resolution might not have felt so unoriginal and we would have gladly been set up for the next film.
4. Mr White’s hidden room at the L’Americain
How did he ever plan to access all the useful things he’d hidden inside his secret little room? Smash through the wall like Bond does? Looking at the state he was in, it seems unlikely. Also, if Spectre are all they’re cranked up to be then surely they would have known about everything he did, including his sentimental marriage anniversary at the same location every year…?
5. Bond and Madeleine Swann’s relationship
Short of being a direct replica of his relationship with Vesper Lynd, which is referenced throughout the movie (just look at the Vesper scene on the train from Casino Royale), it seems Bond is over Lynd and ready to put another woman in danger and, along with her, his own heart. Again. Not to mention his endless womanising. Chances are we won’t see Swann in the next Bond film…
6. Blofeld himself
The only thing close to being criminally masterminded about the ‘mysterious’ Blofeld was the filmmakers robbing their audience of what coulda-shoulda-woulda been the best Bond baddie performance of all time. What was his motivation? Daddy issues? Jealousy? Revenge? All because Bond apparently spent a few months with his family? Hardly the inner machinations of an evil overlord. Why was he used so little and so late in the film? And where was his plan for world domination? Too many questions.
7. The meteorite
Sorry, just, what?!